Learning to truly live in "Sunshine and Rainbow Land"
Welcome to Get Strong with Jen! As a mom, wife and full-time educator I know that life can become extremely busy and at times we can feel like it is suddenly out of control or even in the best moments we can find ourselves exhausted. Our body sometimes feels like it wants to give out and we cannot push a minute longer or we are so filled with anxiety and worry that even when we want to rest we cannot. Suddenly we are wondering how we got to this point.
Well, guess what we did not suddenly arrive at this point, over time our body tried to tell us to slow down, to rest, to take time for ourselves - to heal, to breathe, to get strong -- but we tend to feel guilty when we stop to care for ourselves or feel like our family, our work, perhaps the world will fall apart if we stop for even a second and so we keep pushing.
And, so we push - we push all the hurt, all the pain, all of our concerns away and we hide -- we hide them in the deep recesses of our body, so that almost every time someone asks a question or does not quite do things the way we would like or move as fast as we think they should - our anxiety kicks up and we want to yell or cry or "just do it ourselves" or "screw it - nobody cares anyway" or we may even want to punch them in the face. Many times we do yell and we do cry and we do just do it ourselves and we do say "screw it" and bolt and"they better thank God that we got ourselves in control before we punched them in the face."
Eventually the guilt, anger, hurt, resentment sets in again and we really just want to help and we really just want to love and we really are incredibly strong -- we know that we are, but we are in what appears to be a never ending circle of anger, guilt, shame, and loneliness --- which I have come to know as co-dependency, but carefully re-framed for myself as co-decency.
My understanding of codependency is basically when I push myself into someone else's emotional circle and claim their emotional baggage/character fault as mine. Then allow my emotions/behavior to be controlled by or very nearly mirror theirs. Being co-decent, as I call it, is calling on God every day as much as I can remember throughout the day to help me to stay in my own circle and at the very least remember to behave decent or to more clearly define - with respect and modesty through honest, thoughtful conversation and action.
I have always preferred to live in "sunshine and rainbow land" and now I can with fewer distractions understanding that it is okay to want to say "screw it" and "punch someone in the face," but knowing that when I feel that frustration come up it's time to dial 911 -- directly to God, breathe, and get strong --- and I am not going to lie --- every once in a while enjoy a sip of good whiskey!
I look forward to sharing more about my story as you explore Get Strong with Jen, but most importantly I hope that the information that you learn here adds value to your life. Thank you so much for visiting!
Have a day filled with Sunshine and Rainbows!!!